greezus (greezus) wrote,
greezus
greezus

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dear LJ

hello old friend. i'm sorry i've been neglecting you. you've always been here... what can i say but my bad... i hope you don't hate me even if i'm a fuckin' jerk. again LJ, my bad. for what it's worth... i miss you. glad i'll be in muskegon in less than 12 hours!!! fuck. stone house blues, winter blues. or just the same old blues. born with the blues. that's the beauty of manic d...you come & go just not as you please...as you please... pretty please?  your meds aren't worth it. they're junk. bad. leave you hanging, or twitching, or just being. dependent. better off with the blues than being more of a zombie with their meds than i make myself on a daily basis. i can take care of myself. dependent. don't need no cmh. no. fuck that... our system is fucked and i fit right in. right in. c'mon in. have a seat. take off your jacket and relax... it's ok if i leave my hat on, ok? i thought so.

been listening to lots of new tunes thanks to the information super highway. gracias music bloggers. gracias. working on returning favors. i just procrastinate when i'm in a funk and i can't seem to snap out of it long enough. my bad, but it's hard to control.

and riding! i've been riding new bikes thanks to rad companies and rad people... and that's rad. and people love us and it feels rad. love is rad. so many years filled with hate and disgust. sickness. how did i get in the interrogation room? i know it's a two way mirror. love is staring at me fom the other side. i feel ill.

nothing fills the void so i want and want and want. collecting fills that void...for awhile. shooting guns and riding bikes and listening to rad tunes and being with you makes me forget the void. it's been there since before i can remeber remembering. the eternal black hole in my soul, swallowing me whole. regurgiting myself back out of myself, only to swallow myself whole one more time.

*gulp*

enter the mighty SHEEPHERDER- down tempo anti music revolutionairies: counting sheep....

"sleep. i can't sleep!"
"have you tried counting sheep little boy? try counting sheep."
"whatever you do, don't try the soup."

SHEEPHERDER exits, stage left.

i'm not too hungry anyways. not much of an appetite lately, but i could really go for a big, juicy cheesburger right now. i tried to make one of those single serving brownies with the frosting in the cool packaging, and i was trying to get the last of the icing when my hand sli[[ed and i flipped it over and my brownie was fucked and most of the icing was stuck to the table and even thought i tried to lap most of it up with my finger like a kitten with it's tounge, i just couldn't get it all, and i feel cheated, the cute little kitten could've licked it all up. i [rpbably could have too had i used my tongue and not my finger, but i just wasn't going that far. the desire wasn't there. i licked my fingers the best i could, washed my hands, and cleaned the counter. ate the short changed end of an over-priced, songle-serving brownie...cool packaging and all.
Tags: insomnia. god damn this noise inside my
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